What a wake up call a photo can be. There I was, kind of coasting along, losing a few pounds here or there, sliding into the same clothes I have been, thinking that yes, I haven’t been eating really clean, but I couldn’t have done THAT much damage…Then I scrolled through pictures of myself from a year ago, then a year and a half ago. Then I looked in the mirror. Oh.
I have written time and again about weight, and starting over and trying again. Harsh critics would say that I don’t care enough, I am not motivated enough, or I Don’t REALLY want to get fit and stay there. I promise whatever contempt they can muster I can vault over with my own inner monologue on the subject. But I know better so I can do better. If I want to look like I looked and feel like I felt then I need to eat how I was eating and exercise how I was exercising to get there. I used to think I was the only person who ebbed and flowed in this arena but I am growing through awareness and compassion and see that though this might be “my thing” everyone has their own mountain to climb.
Today, against my comfort and momentary satisfaction, I hauled myself out of bed before the kids woke up and my husband had to go to work and joined my friend for a walk. Then after drop off I joined another friend for a walk. Because, frankly, it works. Hard exercise works too, but I know enough about myself to know that if I throw myself into that, I will be the model student on day one and ghost myself on day five. It isn’t my first reboot or my last but each time I choose myself I am better for it. Here goes.