(And yes, it felt kind of like the fourth of July – only not quite so humid). The girls’ soccer season is coming to a close in a few short weeks, a fact that reminds me of exactly how fast time is flying by (today was our sixth week)and how I need to make a decision about the future (always need to do that, it seems). As a kid it felt like time when on FOREVER. Weeks stretched out for approximately a decade and the time frame between eating lunch and being released from school took twice as long as that. Grownups, however lamented the quick turnaround of mornings and how rapidly the end of the month showed up.
My relationship with time somehow always refusing to submit to my demands has gotten further complicated as I see all the things I didn’t do in the space that seemed to slip through my fingers. Six weeks?! I should be thin by now (or at the very least, maybe thinner?). I should have enough water to make it through both games and practices but not so much that it was going to take another forty minutes to unload it all once we got home. It’s been almost two months and I have yet to take a good “action shot” of either child, though my camera rolls house hundreds of blurred flashes in silver or black jerseys.
The kids don’t seem to pick up on any of this though. They remember the gopher tortoise trying to make its way to the field (full disclosure – they remember it because it actually just happened today). They remember the very good (The time we won! That assist!) and have the uncanny ability to let go of the rest. Today I tried that too, releasing my own doubts and nagging worries up beyond the ground I stared at. Onward it pushed, above the tops of the kids’ heads (which I swear as close to my chin the night before) and over the pine trees.
I need to be more mindful like that, I thought. I should meditate. Ten minutes a day. Every day. And drink less coffee and…that is where I lost the whole point of course. The message of letting it go got quickly stifled by piling it all right back on again. So I took a deep breath and I started over again. It was a Saturday. In the park.