A mantra in the making

I love you. Don’t give up on me. We can do this. I am sorry. You would think these are words that are whispered only to a secret lover, but no. I say them to my skinny jeans.

Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? I am very good at losing weight. I am very good at exercising. I am very good at eating pizza. I suppose that is why I keep pleading with pants.

I love a new diet, a new fitness routine, a new outlook on life. And yet, I am in the same old size ten everythings. I know that there is more to me than the size on my pants or what I look like in a swimsuit – my issue is how I feel about those things.

The solution is so simple. Eat clean, exercise daily, drink water and go to sleep. I know this. I know how to do this. So why don’t I? I wonder if it is just the running narrative that I have always kept – ah, yes, I struggle and my struggle is obvious. I literally wear it on my bones when I am too tired or stressed or really feeling chicken wings.

So where do I go from here? Forward. I keep moving forward and I keep trying my best to make good choices and stay healthy because the only way through doing anything challenging is doing the work to get to the other side. The weekend is here now and it will slyly provide all the excuses that are so good at blocking out the sunshine of results. But what I want more than that kind of shade is the feeling I get when I am working at my full potential in my groove. For now, I will cast aside the skinny jeans in favor of workout pants (that I will actually work out in) and with every lunge, squat, press and step I will say to myself “I love you” and I will say “don’t give up on me” and “we can do this”. But I am not sorry, I am strong and I am trying.

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