I lost my last post. All six hundred and ninety-some odd words of it were about positivity and motivation. There was some great advice on how to be mindful and present and grateful as challenges arose and offered the opportunity to strengthen your resolve. They are now gone as is my good nature.
I started to write this evening but became distracted by scheduling and then the computer shutdown so I moved to my phone. From there I skipped the notes section (with auto save) and typed directly into the blog body, stopping only to preview before publish. That is about the time my word count went to zero. Oy.
All I want to do right now is cry and stomp my feet and point at anyone who isn’t me, but here’s the truth. It’s up to me to do this because I am learning as I go. The reward for me is taking on the challenge each day and trying to find the funny or the lesson and then recording that so I won’t forget it.
Maybe I needed to write it all out twice. Or maybe I need to auto save in notes. Or maybe, just maybe I SHOULDN’T HAVE WAITED UNTIL THE END OF THE NIGHT TO WRITE. Hmm. I know I have written that sentence before…
The gist of my lost post was how this morning I got up and went for a walk with my dog and my friend and how that put me on the right path. It was beautiful, walking and talking under a dark sky lit with stars. It felt very much like fall in Florida which is to say that it was only in the mid-seventies with low humidity and a light breeze. I smelled night blooming flowers and laundry soap and fabric softener as we passed house after house that slowly rose with the sun.
When we came home, the dog was blissed out from the exercise and I felt hopeful that the five pounds I have seemed to regain for the zillionth time would indeed go away. Hopefully, they will stay away. It felt great to have created a reminder that I alone am responsible for my mood.
All of which (in a roundabout way) brought me to writing this post again tonight. It is easy to give up and pity the missteps or mistakes that landed me in my bad mood. But that will never ever get me to where I want to go. Okay, that was a fib, because I want to go lie down and if I wasn’t writing I probably would be doing that already. But, I would only toss and turn and torment myself for not following through with my writing challenge, so then again, maybe it wouldn’t have helped.
I am calling (Yelling? Declaring?) “Uncle” and surrendering while recognizing that my best effort is not always going to yield the best result, but I am okay with that. Then again, maybe I am not. Ask me tomorrow morning, fresh from the star canopied walk when I know for sure that anything is possible and the sky is the limit…