Like sands through the hourglass…

Fall is here in an official capacity. I suppose if we lived a little further from the equator that might translate into some of the images I see bandied about. According to the Weather Channel app on my phone, the actual forecast for our area is as follows: “Today: Isolated thundershowers today. It’s currently 81 degrees; the high will be 91 degrees”. Ahhh, can you smell the pumpkin?

Today is the 266th day of the year. That leaves me with one hundred days to get to where I pledged I would be January first. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not alone in being slightly off course with where I had intended to be at this point in the year. The caffeinated part of me does not register this as a problem – I have 2400 hours to get it together! That is plenty of time!

However I am an honest girl here so I need to break down exactly how I really have allocated those hours. According to a small, local, newspaper, The New York Times, Facebook takes up 50 minutes of my day. To which I can honestly say, that is preposterous – because I waste far more time on Facebook than that! To make the math easy, let’s say I use the full hour each day. Bam! I only have 2300 hours left to lose forty pounds, become a patron of the arts, write the Great American Novel and finish the Sudoku puzzle book I started when I was pregnant with my now almost nine year old.

In order to do these things and do them well, I am going to need sleep. According to the National Sleep Foundation, I need about eight hours a day. SLEEEEEEEP. Leaving me with 1500 hours, but I am still going to need to eat and feed my family, a process the Washington Post reports taking about 110minutes daily.COOKING . I am going to grant myself the leeway of saying it takes me 120 minutes a day because we are on a modified food plan and preparation feels like it takes a minimum of four years each day. I now have 1300 hours.

Then again, there are small children in this household and according to the United States Department of Labor’s Bureau of Labor Statistics, I spend 1.38 hours per day “Caring for and helping Household Children”.Department of Labor  To which, I say, What The Actual Fudge?! Is this for “Children over 30 who live at home temporarily with their parents”? Did the B.L.S. take into account common core math homework? Or two long haired daughters and one hairbrush that they want to use at the same time? Have the people who complied this data ever spent time in the dang carline of the school parking lot – or are those minutes that they do not consider “care”?! I cannot support this claim, as I have real life experience that runs counter to it, but I am losing time here folks, so I am not in a position to argue. I will settle on an hour and a half daily (that is THE BEST I CAN DO, anything closer to their figure is blasphemy). 150 hours are gone, leaving me with 1150. The Center for Disease Control wants you (and me)to allocate 60 minutes a day for  Physical activity giving me 1050 hours.

So far, I have supplied verifiable statistics from reputable sources, (unless of course, you are a doomsday prepper and you believe that the government is a conspiracy enacted by “The Man“ to oppress you – in which case, you have your day pretty much accounted for). What follows is my breakdown of the other hours.

Writing a blog: Thinking about, writing, deleting, rewriting, crying about and then posting a blog
I spend approximately two hours a day on this process. Then I find the typos. This leaves me with 850 hours left in this calendar year.

Reading
I am in the zone of writing projects, so I am mostly reading about writing, but I also read newspapers, text messages and recipe cards in addition to the reams of paper that come home from the kids’ school. I think and hour a day is a fair allowance. 750 hours to go.

Personal Hygiene
I can hang my head and say the truth – it ain’t what it used to be. But adding the showering, teeth brushing, handwashing, deodorant applications and all the other unmentionables, there go another 100 hours.

Finances / Paying Bills / Keeping the checking account from being overdrawn / ordering actual checks so that when it’s requested to send one you actually have them on hand
I do not even have the responsibility of  making the money in this scenario. I have to make it last so that we can eat food we didn’t have to trap ourselves, with lighting supplied electrically at safe temperatures and that all still takes up on average, an hour a day, leaving me with 550.

Daily Chores
I would say it takes about two hours of my day to do dishes, laundry, clean up after the dog, wipe down surfaces and think about dusting. 350 hours to fill now.

Maintenance
Again, a lot of the actual execution in this category goes to my husband. But I work slightly behind the scenes on reporting / scheduling / and praying for a successful outcome. About thirty minutes a day. So I am down to 300 hours here.

Looking for things
For the sake of streamlining here, I will just throw out items like “my car keys” and “my ever loving wallet because it’s against the law to drive without a license” – spit balling here, guys. My husband claims that I can ultimately eliminate this harried hunt by doing odd things like “PUTTING THINGS IN THE SAME PLACE EVERY DAMNED TIME, SO WE DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS EVERYDAY” which I feel is a little harsh to say to a delicate snowflake like myself. A minimum of ten minutes a day every day is spent this way which translates to 1000 minutes (or about 17 hours) in the next 100 days. I should be shocked and appalled at this statistic. I should swear to you up and down that I will not waste 17 hours this way. What I am actually thinking about though is where I put my car keys…

Over the next 100 days of this year, if I only do what I have outlined above, I will have 283 hours to fill. Just over ten days. Plenty of time for me to enjoy the sights and sounds of fall –  those Sudoku puzzles will have to wait till next year.

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