Not on the list

I believe in lists. If I write it down, I will remember it. I have lists of lists and at one point, I had a list organizer, but one of the kids spit gum out into it and then left it in the car. There was just no coming back from that. I cannot help myself once I start to make them but I tend to freestyle everything I would like to accomplish in my lifetime, items I need the next time I go to the dollar store (last week’s read do rags and razors – long story) as well as notes I need to write and what they might say, so that the lists quickly morph into something that holds little resemblance to “a number of connected items or names written or printed consecutively, typically one below the other”. Truth being told here, the first thing I always write on any list is “make list” because I like the gratification and I ALWAYS check that one off.

My husband’s logical advice with regard to writing this blog was to “first and foremost figure out what a blog is and how to connect readers to what you write” (I know, I know, how do I live with these unrealistic expectations? I am a saint, I guess…). He recommended that I list short term goals such as his first suggestion and inch my way toward progress. Once I wrote yesterday’s post I went ahead and made it known that I was embarking on this project – which garnered some of the kindest and most encouraging words I have ever received (thank you!) along with technical questions that stumped me such as “how do I follow you”? I jotted it down and figured I would get the kids in bed, take the dog for a quick walk and get down to business once everyone was settled. To which I now say to myself of yesterday, HA HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The girls wanted to have a sleep over in Little Sister’s room – which entails me taking the mattress from Big Sister’s room into the other room, and arranging both twins down to the floor so that they can be as close as possible WITHOUT ACTUALLY TOUCHING EACH OTHER!!!! (At this point, I am not sure if you, gentle reader, are quite familiar with the bedding accoutrement situation for little girls aged 5-8, but if you are not, I need you to envision the amount of stuff you might pack for a six day camping trip for a family of four). Visualize that on top of a twin sized mattress and arrange it all in such a way that you can see each item, but again nothing can be ACTUALLY TOUCHING EACH OTHER!!!! Also, you will need to take this through two doorways whilst disrupting as little as possible to spare yourself the tears and accusations that you are treating their “actual baby” like she is “just a doll”. You might suggest that I simply take all the stuff off the bed, but that adds at least 30 minutes to the end of the evening routine, and because I had goals to accomplish after I left the room, I simply did not have that kind of time. I suggest, if you find yourself in this situation, that you become a Zen master, neglecting the fact that all of your muscles are straining, you have those tiny refugee pieces of hair sticking to your quickly perspiring face, your fingernails are digging into the mattress and giving way, and you never did actually get around to taking a shower today.

In a stroke of genius, I suggested we skip the mattress pilgrimage and use a queen sized blow up mattress. To expedite this process, I took said mattress out to the garage and held a leaf blower up, quickly filling it. After arranging the tablescape that is needed to ensure sleep, the kids piled into it only to inform me that it needed more air. Swiftly (angrily), I dragged the now inflated queen mattress through the house and to the garage where I tried to skip the essential step of moving a crate of fishing poles. One fishing hook to the hand and a fully inflated mattress later, I grabbed Band-Aids from the bathroom to stop the bleeding and headed out to walk the dog. 45 minutes of stopping in almost every yard, a quick shower, two sleeping kids and 15 minutes into Rambo II later, my husband asked me to sign him up to the blog. Oh, that.

This would be a good time to also explain that our desk top computer where I have been writing is located in the garage and that even in the evening of summer it’s about 88 degrees in this “office work space”. Also, I suggested Husband take Motrin PM as he had been doing all that yard work (think less pulling weeds (me) and more chain-sawing sea grape trees into shape one handed atop of a ladder). This is a person who I have watched drop a drill (off that same ladder come to think of it) on top of his head and shake it off, declining a pain reliever. So he was fading fast and trying to help me figure out how to enable you lovely people to follow me. After the fourth or fifth false start, we got it figured out, I posted about it and went to sleep feeling like an all-star. This morning I woke up to new followers (again, thank you and hello!) and two bewildered children whose bed had slowly melted flat as they slept. In my haste, I had forgotten to secure the valve, but in my defense, it wasn’t on my list.


6 thoughts on “Not on the list

  1. hey Mare, I am confused about the comment area still, do i have to create a website on wordpress? do i just make up a name? how come Jen figured this out so quick? : p


    Liked by 1 person

    1. This post is golden. I chuckled quite a few times at the imagery you created, plus the comment about being a saint 🙂 I think you lured us in and I am enjoying this light-hearted ride that takes me out of my crazy world and whisks me into yours. Which is in so many ways parallel, but it’s much easier to have a hearty laugh at you trying to catapult a mattress at your kids request rather than me trying to find the humor while wiping the sweat from my brow (all while my hardworking husband sits on the couch watching Rambo smirking at the whole scene! Been there. Done it. I prefer your version.)
      PS: To Pamela, if said “Jen” is referring to me and that wonderful (i.e. embarrassing because everyone else gets an anonymous symbol and my face is plastered up there) picture, it’s only because I had a WordPress blog for my photography business. So you could probably create a WordPress account and add a profile and picture without actually having a blog. Give it a try! Email me if you need help
      (Sorry for the obnoxiously long comment)


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